Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
