Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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