maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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