I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A+ Viking dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
