I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
