This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
