Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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