ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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