"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
