after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
