I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
