I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
