You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
