At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
