I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
