Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
