from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
