I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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