Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
