I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize