I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
