but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
