Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
