I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
