i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
