just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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