Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize