4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
its liver damage thursday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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