She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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