tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
