Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
