He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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