Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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