they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
