did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
