So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
