there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
