I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
