so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
