Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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