It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
