if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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