I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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