she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dick very happy bro
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