I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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