No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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