I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
