i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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