How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
