Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My breasts were aching with rage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
