What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
