So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
