I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He did a backflip because drugs
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