nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
