I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
