My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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