I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
