I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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