I wish my penis had an off switch
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
