even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
