According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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