Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
