is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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