i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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