pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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